Words fall short. Or rather, my grasp or how to use them.

I find that it's easier to say things with spaces and silence. That way you better understand.

There's a lot, you know? Different things too. Much of it good. Most of it good. But there's loss too. That still hurts. Even after months and weeks and days. And I suppose I've ignored it for a long time. And for a while that felt good. But now it's starting to hit me again. I think I'm just starting to realize that things really will never be the same. Ever. It wasn't just a trial to get through. It was a goodbye. And I fear that I'm alone now. I sometimes think that you don't really care. Because you've said that you care. But. . . I don't see it. But what have I done either? Besides sit in my bedroom and played guitar as I forgot about you. I really don't think about you that much anymore. And that kind of makes me sad. Even scared. But I'm more scared to talk to you. I'm scared to say "ok." Even though I've said it before. I didn't really mean it. I'm afraid. I've already been dead for three years. I don't need three more before you say goodbye again.

Oh my lost brother
How can you say you love me?
How can you say you love me,
with you sword buried to it's hilt in my heart
Oh my dear brother,
your eyes are closed!

Return
Return
Return

Days are spent with eyes shut
Don't want to see the faces
Days are spent with ears closed
Don't want to hear the lies

Retreat

I wrote that for you today.


- posted by Jonathan@ 3:28 PM