I'm having a hard time sorting out my thoughts. I can't think of how to put them into words. I hate it when I can't vocalize my feelings. It's just that I go through my day-to-day routine and everything is fine. But then out of now where I just get deeply upset. It's triggered by a song or a memory or just something someone says, and then I'm totally sad and it just sucks. Sometimes I just feel like death would be a blessing. Not like, killing myself, but just getting away from this earth. I guess a better way to say it is that I want Christ's second coming to happen soon. I don't want to have to deal with this place. The biggest thing that gets me though is that I am even sad, and that I even complain. I mean, how can I complain? I have so much more than most people in the world. I have food to eat, and running water, and electricity. I have friends and family who love me. I have a personal relationship with the man who had nails driven through his wrists for my sake; who bled and died for me. I have all of this, and still I am unhappy. I have so much, and still I complain. I am so selfish. It's sickening. I only think of myself. I am supposed to get up tommorrow in front of my church and instruct them on how to disciple others. I'm supposed to tell them how to sacrifice themselves. And here I am now only thinking of how "bad" I have it. Only concerned with why I am sad. I'm not worrying about the babies being aborted everyday, or the people dying of starvation, or the little children who are abducted and never seen again. All I think about is me. Stop.

- posted by Jonathan@ 10:39 PM