CD's I have been listening to lately:
The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving & Fallow, onelinedrawing - my mix, Beloved - The Running EP, Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar, This Is Solidstate - Volume 2, Death Cab For Cutie - Photo Album, MAE - Destination: Beautiful, Matt Skiba - his acoustic album, Thursday - Waiting, Jon's "Saddest Songs" Mix, I don't know, other stuff too.

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:41 AM

 
Love is the Fall of Every Man

I stand on the edge of destruction,
Emotionally ruined by the warmth I most desire.
I will not fall prey to love of a human kind,
for love is weakness;
Love is the fall of every man.
Take this heart you've claimed, and as it numbs your hands,
Know the flame is dead and will no longer burn.
This body will never pain again.
This mind knows no wound.
Though I am of flesh, this flesh will not consume me
As it has destroyed so many before.
This body will never pain again.
This mind knows no wound.
The flame is dead, left only with ashes of memories
That renew my faith in hate and my faith in myself.
Nothing can break me.
This heart remains free from the burden of love,
Yet this heart will be sustained.
No hope. No Compassion.
I fill my heart with strength.

Geert Van der Velde of Shai Hulud

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:55 AM

 
Yeah, I know I'm funny.

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:58 PM

 
My Heart Bleeds The Darkest Blood

I have to let you die.
I have to let you fade.
So spare me the male accusations.
I would have told you those things you wanted to hear
And I would have cared,
The way you thought no one ever would.
And now my heart bleeds cold.
I refuse to be caressed by stone.
I now live emotionless and free from your pain.
My heart bleeds the darkest blood.
My heart is cold as stone.
A rock feels no pain.
No laughter. No loving. No contact.

- Geert Van der Velde (I think) of Shai Hulud

Other Shai Hulud lyrics soon to be posted:
A Profound Hatred of Man
Love is the Fall of Every Man

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:57 PM

 
"Writing in general is arrogant. Have you ever seen the sort of dickheads that go around saying they want to be a writer? They are bastards. Unless they're good, in which case I am envious."

- Mike Bingaman

I read this guy's website. I don't know him or anything, but he's got a lot of good stuff to say, and he's really funny. See above. He had a lot more on this topic but it wouldn't copy and paste. To see for yourself go to Anthillz.net and read the Friday, August 22 entry. Being a musical elitist myself I didn't really appreciate much of it (seeing as how I judge people on their musical tastes), but like I said, he makes good points.

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:48 PM

 
I'm going to call and set up a couple interviews tommorrow if I can. I had a preliminary interview at Walden's. I'll call back in a couple days and see what's up. That's it. An otherwise uneventful day.

Happy Birthday Joey. I love you.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:02 PM

 
I've been neglecting this site lately. I know, I'm sorry. I just haven't had too much to say. And when I have had something on my mind, I didn't know what to make of it. School will be starting up again soon and then I'll be more regular with my posts. I'm going to turn in applications and try and set up some interviews once my mom gets home. Hopefully I'll get a job. My number one choice would be Walden's Books. I'm praying that they'll hire me. I'll tell you how it goes later.

- posted by Jonathan@ 4:15 PM

 
Happenings

- I've been thinking a lot about the same things and it's getting repetitive.

- The band has been busy practicing. It's a lot of fun. Having Zach is good. He adds a dynamic element to the mix, what with his screaming, and dancing, and punching me in the arm during songs. He really did that the other day. We were playing and I was singing and he punched me in the arm. It was pretty cool. It reminded me of the time when I hit Nate with my bass a long time ago while we were playing. That was pretty cool too. But Nate didn't think so.

- GodParty was cool last night.

- I'm trying to write lyrics. It's really hard

- I didn't register for school.

- That's it. I'm just doing the best I can.

- posted by Jonathan@ 6:41 PM

 
Zach has joined the band. We've all practiced together twice now. It sounds so awesome. Look forward to seeing our next show. It's going to be great. The new songs are better than anything we've ever done before.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:39 PM

 
I'm so tired. I wish everything wasn't this hard. I wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I wish I hadn't ever gotten my hopes up. I wish I could just forget about it all. I wish I wasn't this lame. I wish someone else cared besides me.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:08 PM

 
It's just so much easier to be afraid.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:33 PM

 
Everything that comes out it so lame. I wanted to write something, but I give up. It's just so hard. I feel like I'm alone in this. Jesus, just be my all. This world is so worthless and confusing.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:31 PM

 
I've been gone at CMI. It was my last chance to see a lot of my friends until next year. It was good to spend time with them. I want to share the lyrics to a song I learned this week. It's really beautiful.

Come Thou Fount

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Glory, glory, Jesus saves me,
Glory, glory to the Lamb!
O the cleansing blood has reached me,
Glory, glory, to the Lamb!

Here I raise my "Ebenezer";
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace, Lord, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

- Robert Robinson

- posted by Jonathan@ 8:58 PM

 
Do you ever feel this way? Do you feel anything at all? I feel this. I feel it in my veins. It stops up all my arteries. It stops the breath short of my teeth. I wrench, and gasp, and plead with my heart to beat again. . . but my head always wins these battles.

"Sleep now while you can. All this struggle is useless. All is for nothing. Just give in. Just embrace this. . ."

I give into these lies once more.

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:11 AM

 
CBLI rocked. Seriously. It was great. And, like I said he would, God did great things. I'm not going to type out a big entry about it because I don't really feel like it. Instead I'm just going to type out some of the entries I wrote in my journal. This way you have something and it doesn't require any effort from me.

************
I was sleeping earlier, and just as I was on the edge of sleep and being awake, I saw myself turn to liquid and spill from my own body. And I pooled on the floor under my bed, and rays of light shone through me. And I was radiant.

7/28/03
2:38 p.m.

************
I'm sitting here on a wooden bench. It's 7:49 in the morning so there is still an amount of dew on the grass, but mostly in the shaded areas since the sun is already almost half way up the Eastern sky. Right now there's only a small number of people about, but enough so that I'm not alone. If I wanted to catch eyes or make company I could. I'm not looking for company though. Apparently the squirrels are. I had been watching the progress of a single squirrel, but that has become the progress of two squirrels and they seemed to be engaged in something. There's water dripping from this tree. Only the one tree though.

7/29/03
7:59 a.m.

************
I had a weird dream ealier involving Franklin Middle School, Payton and/or Arielle Petrie (I'm not sure if it was one or the other, or the both of them), a random house (that doesn't actually exist) in Nate's neighborhood, Kayleigh Olson and Megan Rose (It was Kayleigh but she looked like Megan for some reason), the police, a firehose, and a march through camp. I don't know what it was about either.

8/2/03
1:14 a.m.

************
That's it. Give me a break, I didn't have that much time to write. And I only copied out the interesting ones. Also, we played Amanda Bolan's birthday party about an hour after we got back into town. Her mom had set it up as a suprise so she didn't know we were coming or anything. It was a lot of fun. I couldn't sing well at all though because I've lost my voice. It was just a lot of yelling and weird squeaks and stuff. They paid us too. How cool is that? I'm not going to say how much though because it was way to much and I'm embarrassed. I told them so too but I guess they're just very generous people. Rock.

- posted by Jonathan@ 10:34 PM