The Logic of Crocodiles

I am a very important person.
I've acquired a genetically altered handshake, capable of speeds up to 30 mph.
I have hair arranged by the most advanced landscape surveillance operators our company can afford.
I have a very expensive pen.
I use big words quite often, in substitution for semantically equivalent words.
I attribute this success to my professional demeanor and my strong stock portfolio.
Though it may not appear so, I am quite comfortable in my surroundings.
I have everything, let me show you around.
Smile you fucker, it's not often you get this chance.
Love is just an exchange of corporate documents.
I've reviewed your report and I feel you're a prospect for mechanical salvation.
This is a joint venture that will be mutually advantageous to both parties involved.
Technically this is just a business merger.
A consolidation of liquid assets.
We are respectively geared towards customer service.
There is a great possibility for corporate sponsorship.
If you're willing, I am sure we could synchronize agendas.
Swift, and efficient satisfaction through innovative planning.
We could form a strong, strategic partnership capable of overcoming sensitive and adverse predicaments
(which will be discussed at the next goals assessment meeting).
Promotion possibility and additional benefits are diagrammed in my preliminary objective outline.
Raises are granted based on performance.

- Keith Buckley of Everytime I Die

I told you they were awesome. Suckas. . .

- posted by Jonathan@ 8:50 PM