Heavy laden, lightly burdened

To formerly-loved ones:
I saw(never) said(always) believed

Failing, grasping, to hold--
this heart of yours

I never said, always believed
--but still saw all the details of your person
Blinded though by a belief in purity
I've lost my faith in you

I've lost my faith in your words--
Because you lied

(Put simply, don't read into this) You're a fucking liar.


- posted by Jonathan@ 2:40 PM

 
I'm on PureVolume. Because I'm just that cool.


- posted by Jonathan@ 9:06 AM

 
"If there was no way into God, I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long."

That must be the truest statement of my life. If my life didn't have a purpose, and I didn't really have a creator who loved me, and when I died, I was just going to disappear: then forget it. I'm just going to cut to the chase. Because living here is so freaking hard sometimes. There are moments of such intense beauty--where I feel like I could just be sustained by all that is around me. But then there is such decay. I hate everything in this world. And sometimes I really resent being commanded to love. And I drive down streets, past the houses of dead friends, and I can hardly breathe, and just have to focus on keeping my eyes open. I hate it. Because really, I'm the dead one. No one hates me. Fine, that's really great. It's better that they don't even care. It's better that I could not even exist and it wouldn't affect them. That is such bullshit. How can my whole life and all the time I spent with them not mean anything? How can they not even care? Not even enough to talk to me. Not even enough to look me in the eye.

I'm just glad I don't have to deal with that everyday anymore or I'd probably just kill myself anyway. Wouldn't that be great.

I'm sorry for the cuss word. I don't cuss. I honestly sat here for a long time trying to think of another word but truely couldn't.


- posted by Jonathan@ 4:14 PM

 
swim so now million many worlds in each

least less than a particle of perfect dark--
how should a loudness called mankind unteach
whole infinite the who of life's life(hark!

what silence)?" "Worlds?o no:i'm certain they're
(look again)flowers." "Don't worlds open and
worlds close?" "Worlds do,but differently; or

as if worlds wanted us to understand
they'd never close (and open) in that fool
called everyone (or you or i) were wise."

"You mean worlds may have better luck,some day?"
"Or worse!poor worlds; i mean they're possible
--but" lifting "flowers" more all stars than eyes

"only are quite what worlds merely might be

- e.e. cummings

[ed. for those not familiar with e.e. cummings: there are no typos in the above.]


- posted by Jonathan@ 10:02 AM

 
Thursday night, my mom and I got in a fight. It wasn't a big fight. Just a fight. But anyways: yesterday my family went out of town. And when I got home from work, I found an envelope with my name on it. It was card from my mom. It was lame and all, but I mean, not to her. Like it was her way of telling me that she loves me. She does that sometimes. I'll get cards in the mail from her telling me that she loves me and is proud of me and encouraging me. It's pretty lame, but I still think it is pretty cool. It makes me want to cry sometimes.

I have to go to work.


- posted by Jonathan@ 1:02 PM

 
Vorhees played yesterday. Only now our name in Loomis. And yes, we dominated. It was a really quick (like 20 minutes) set that was just double bass pounding, fret board shredding, vocal chords bleeding, vamp slayin' destruction. It was good. Come see us play on the 13 at Frontline.


- posted by Jonathan@ 10:49 AM