I don't know. I just had a long conversation with my mom. It made me think a lot. Like, my parents are probably going to be moving this summer. And I've been planning on staying here in Janesville,but I'm not so sure anymore. The more I really think about it, the more I realize that there is really not anything here for me. I mean it's close to Mona, but that's about the only thing Janesville has going for it. It's not like I have a sweet job or something. It's not like I couldn't go to some community college somewhere else. There are people I would miss, but the list of people who would miss me seems to get smaller everyday. So, that's not such a deciding factor anymore.

Basically, this year has sucked. Like, a lot of good things have happened. My relationship with God has grown so much. I've fallen in love with probably the most beautiful person (man or woman) on the planet, who also happens to be the most lovely, most interesting, and smartest person in the world. I started playing drums. I got some totally sweet Star Wars tattoos. I bought an awesome guitar amp (and recently a sweet drum machine). I dropped out of high school. . . and you know, there's more too, but--

Also this year: I lost my best friend of three years. And the guy doesn't care if I live or die anymore. My band broke up and nobody cares (Like, I know that sounds stupid, but I really liked playing with ETN, and it's like only me, Nate, and Zach care. And that seems like it was kind of a failure on my part. You know? Like I wrote songs that were pieces of me, and nobody liked them that much. So what does that say?). I've realized too many times how little people know me or understand me, and it seems like I've wasted a lot of time caring about people who don't even like me. And I'm just tired of this town.

So, one unsuccessful escape attempt later (and one joyous reunion?), and I'm still overwhelmed by the same things (minus public school and seeing Jon Hetzel ignore me. Every day), plus a whole new set of failed friendships, secret enemies, and disastrous misunderstandings. I don't know. It's just starting to feel like my time here is running out. And I've been getting plenty of signs telling me I'm not meant to be here anymore. I don't know. I don't know what else to say really.

(yjsml upi xsvh gpt nromh s hrmiomr gtomf upi smf msyr drr, yp nr yjr pm;u yeo o jsbr om ksmrdbo;;)


- posted by Jonathan@ 11:35 PM