I still know you're there. You might have forgotten though, that I'm still here.

I've wanted to leave for a long time. I did try once. I took my guitar, a change of clothes, pictures of my family, and some hugs from my best friends. And walking in the dark, I thought about a lot of things. My heart raced so fast, all the way into Illinois. I could hardly breathe the whole time. I just tried to keep my mind focused on getting away from this town. I had these dreams of sleeping outdoors, and playing my guitar for money. Eating at soup kitchens, and spending my days beside park benches, writing letters and postcards. I just wanted to see something besides my bedroom. I wanted to know something besides my gratingly comfortable lifestyle. Going to school made me want to kill myself, and seeing you everyday, ignoring me. . .

I was almost in tears when I stopped at the tollway. 90 miles from home. 90 miles from any sort of a future involving those I loved. I scraped through the underbrush, collecting splinters under my finger nails, and cuts along my arms. I was so scared--but for a while I forgot about everything.

Almost everyday I wish I never came back. Almost every day I think of you. Almost every day I remember how little anyone realizes.


- posted by Jonathan@ 9:51 PM