Man, I haven't felt like this in a long time.

But then it hits you all of the sudden. There's still that person whom you used to love (and you think you still you do, but you don't really know them well enough anymore to tell for sure), and you just wonder "what if?" It's funny how things happen I guess. One day you can be best friends with a person, then all the sudden, it's been a year or two and you wonder who they even are. It's like you still have the vague recollection of sharing something between the two of you, but you can't really remember what it was. Just that it's all dead ideas and cold windows on your back. And if the two of you met now, without any memory of your past life, would they even like you. Or would it still be all this wordless, smiling, back patting, hand shaking contempt?

And I wonder how a person can feel this way at 19. Already, like I miss the innocence of youth?
And I wonder how a person can change so much, so quickly, so carelessly.

And Christ still seems so confusing.

The one thing that people just can't accept. Why is it so hard to believe it? Can it really be considered a weakness for me to refuse to believe that I'm an accident? That my life holds no purpose? That love isn't real and I'm alone?

"Someday we're going to be dead. Take heart."

It's all lies!!!!!

- posted by Jonathan@ 3:53 PM