I'm going to Cornerstone in about 10 hours. That's freaking rock. I'm so stoked. I'll blog when I get back. Bye to everyone who will miss me. Why not email me while I'm gone?

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:36 AM

 
I leave for Cornerstone tommorrow!

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:36 PM

 
5 Year Winter

Dear Tiffany,

You've made me nauseous for the last time
Everything I've said to you
I will form into a spike (to drive through my throat)
In order to stop my words
This time I'll put them in the ground
Along with my memories and my feelings
I'll burn it down and walk away
Let the fire warm my back
I wish you would say you hate me
It would make it so much easier
Burn it down and walk away

Love, Daniel

- Daniel Weyandt of Zao

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:36 PM

 
I'm tired. I want to die. We played tonight in Milton. Fair Verona and Better Than A Kick. Fair Verona did really well. Zach's not too smart though. BTAK wasn't as good. We played all right, we just didn't get a good sound with the outdoorsness, and the sound system not being the greatest. It was okay though. I'm leaving now.

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:05 AM

 
I went to East Troy again tonight. I kick butt at Taboo. In case you were wondering. My team killed. And we killed everyone. It was bloody too. I mean, there was blood everywhere. Well, no there wasn't, but if it had been like--a fight to the death or something, then there would have been tons of blood.

Funny story: I was at the orthodentist today, and in the office where I go, they have a bulletin board where they hang up newspaper clippings of people that go there. Well, while I was looking I realized that they had hung up the picture of Akeldama that was in the newspaper. How hilarious is that? Our 100% brutal jokecore band got posted in Dr. Pelsue's office. Yeah, looks like we've finally hit it big.

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:21 AM

 
Long Nights

Long nights, hard times.
Everything that makes you feel tired.
I think I got to get away from you.
Long nights, hard times.
Everything that makes you feel tired.
That's why I got to get away from you.

I've got something to say.
You might not like how it sounds.
I don't care.
I've got to get out of here.
You look like or your disguised,
you're just a monkey in a monkey suit.
Now you know how I feel.
Its just time or it's the wrong time.
You can't deal with me.
I can't deal with you.
And now it's justified for both of us.

Just one more thing.
Can you tell me something that I haven't heard?
I want to hear how it sounds.
What was that, that you said?
You can't think of anything? Well think harder.
Tell me a secret or two.

Speak up dear, my hearing's not so good.
I shouldn't call you dear.
That's a good one.
The best and worst secret you've ever yelled at me.
I've been around long enough.
Life is what happens while we're making plans.
I can't write another life.
Our age of miracles is past.

- Travis Shettel of Piebald

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:09 AM

 
Ahhh, it feels good to be back. Blogger was down yesterday because the server was migrating all the blogs over to the Blogger New version. That's why I didn't update yesterday. And I didn't the day before that because I spent the night at Joey's house. Yeah, and we went over to Ian Olson's house to watch a movie, right? Well, we watched this movie called Pi. As in the mathmatical symbol for 3.14... which I can't actually type out on my computer. But yeah, it was all crazy and stuff. Like remember when I said The Ring would mess you up? This movie will mess you up more. Only you won't be scared--your brain will hurt. "12:15 - Restatment of ideas: 1. Math is the language of nature. . ." Yeah, crazy stuff. I'm telling you, it makes you want to take a drill to your temple. Seriously.

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:49 PM

 
I'm a loser like that. All I do is sleep. It seems as good a way as any to pass the time. What else am I supposed to do with the hours in these days? I have this nagging feeling that I'm losing something. Like, my life. Or something. What am I trying to say to you? I don't know. Goodnight.

- posted by Jonathan@ 8:04 PM

 
Lots of stuff. Lots of stuff. I don't feel like typing it all out. This whole Blogger thing is just tired.

I went to Army Lake tonight. Morgan and Elyse (one of the Dalberg twins) were out there so I went to hang out with them. We just walked around, and ate ice cream, and we talked and caught up, and played checkers, and I played video games with Captain Dan. It was a good time. I just got home like a half an hour ago. I'm going to go out again sometime this week when they have more free time again. It was just awesome to see friends from CBLI. I never get to see anyone from camp. Especially since I missed Congress this year. I miss my friends! I'm feeling really good right now though. It was just a good night and so I feel happy.

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:31 AM

 
God is so great. When you think that everything sucks, and you just feel terrible, God puts his hand in a situation and makes it better.

II Corinthians 4:7-10
"But this precious treasure--this light and power that now shine within us--is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."

I die for Jesus so that he can live through me. It's a better life that way anyways. Even if it hurts sometimes.

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:03 AM

 
Today I wanted to have band practice but that didn't work out. We're writing a new song and we really need to get some more practice in this week if we want to debut it at the show Saturday. I haven't even written any lyrics yet. It's going to be a good song though once it's done.

Hetzel came over tonight so we could work on my garage. In case you haven't heard, we're going to Cornerstone Festival again this year. So we're having a garage sale at my house to raise some money. It's this Saturday at 8:00 a.m. at my house. 3141 Bond place, across the street from the Parker track. Come buy our crap. We've got some Sega stuff and some Super Nintendo stuff. Furniture, dishes, and other standard garage sale junk.

I love summer. I love it not only because the weather is nice, and there's no school, and I get to go to CBLI, and to Cornerstone; but I like having the time to myself after everyone's gone to bed and I'm the only one awake.

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:26 AM

 
I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I feel like pieces of me are just being ripped off -- like little sections of skin are being peeled away. And all my flesh is exposed beneath. But that's not good enough. And I know you don't do it out of spite. I know it's meant to convey such love. But it's hard to swallow. It always chokes me up. It blocks all of my air passages. What words could fit through all of that? What worth would they hold anyway? What worth is there in me? I can't see an end to these means. All I want is an end. I just want this to end. Jesus, lift me up from this whole I'm in. I don't like this darkness.

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:20 AM

 
I went to Souled Out last night. Sweet! I love that place. And I got to see Erik and Andreas and Briana, and it was lovely. A lot of people were gone on mission trips though. Oh, and Erik is very touchy feely. But I don't mind, he's a good guy.

I got home from lunch after church and went to bed in my clothes. 1:00 something to 6:00 something. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight, but that's okay because there's no school tommorrow! Aww yeah.

One more thing: does anyone else think it's way cool that Jesus reads my blog? Check the last entry's comments.

- posted by Jonathan@ 7:36 PM

 
I'm sorry Jesus.

- posted by Jonathan@ 7:47 PM

 
It's been the first day of summer. And it still is I suppose. Or at least, my summer that is. I've been trying to sing all day and my throat isn't doing the best. BTAK is working on a new song but I wrote it in D and Nate has his guitar in standard so it's a step to high and it's a killer to try and sing. I haven't really written any words to it yet though. So whatever.

I'm going over to AmyBob's sometime later to watch a movie. In case you were wondering.

I wasted my day today. Also in case you were wondering.

Chris and Katie Casey stopped by out of no where today. It was cool. And weird. And they left right away too. Because, well, it's a dumb story so who cares?

- posted by Jonathan@ 7:47 PM

 
Age Six Racer

So long sweet summer.
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays.
So long sweet slumber.
I fell into you now you're gracefully falling away.

Hey, thanks, thanks for that summer.
It is cold where you're going I hope that your hearts always warm.
I gave you the best, I gave you the best that I had.
You passed on the letters and passed on the best that I had.

So long sweet summer.
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays.
So long sweet slumber.
I fell into you now you're gracefully falling away.

I hate the winter in Lexington.

- Chris Carrabba

This song enters present tense. And I will bask in it's rays. And I won't think of it's graceful falling out until it comes to that point. Then I'll start hating the winter again.

- posted by Jonathan@ 7:19 PM

 
La chanson Française de guitare

C'est une guitare. C'est une guitare. Elle est noir. Elle est noir. Elle n'est pas petite. Elle n'est pas petite. Elle est grande. C'est une guitare de Singe. J'aime ma guitare.

- TRANSLATION -

The French Guitar Song

That's a guitar. That's a guitar. It is black. It is black. It is not small. It is not small. It is big. That's Monkey's* guitar. I love my guitar.

*ed. Singe is French for monkey which is my French name

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:52 AM

 
So it's a nice day today. Not that nice outside, but to me it's a nice day. I have my French exam tommorrow and then I am finished. Yes. Good thing. I need a summer job. I need some cash money. I need a new bass amp.

I saw the Matrix Reloaded on Monday, and let me just say. It kicked my face. . . like, really hard. Metaphoricly speaking. Not as to say that the movie actually has (or even is capable of) kicking me in my face, it was an analogy as to the awesomeness of the movie. Why am I so excited about the Matrix? Because I have nothing else to be excited about at the moment so all of my excitment is focused on this great piece of cinema. Yeah, and don't you forget it.

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:46 AM

 
[enter blog entry that explains what I'm feeling]

- posted by Jonathan@ 8:44 PM

 
It's kind of rainy out. It's not raining at the moment, but the sky is a funny color and it's been raining since early this morning. This makes for sad, depressing days. But I don't let that get to me. I had an awesome worship service at the corps today. It was wondeful. I highly recommend coming to my church as in it is cool.

On another note: ladies, let's just spread love on the comment boards eh? And my middle name is Rogers.

- posted by Jonathan@ 4:21 PM

 
This is an older poem I wrote. It's where the name of this site came from.

From the Heart - 12:24 a.m.

Allow me to set the scene. . .

Shadows creep over carpets and around corners as bodies breathe deeply, tossing and turning in their wakelessness. Minute hands tick, pulsing to a rhythm so familiar in these early hours. Window panes stare back, blackened by the night on their skin. It is in this that one soul stirs. Lusting after rest, yet to no avail, memories return. Close to the heart are these late night rendezvous; begging questions that are, as of yet, unanswered. Who is this one who listens (to the sounds of moonlight, kitchen tile, and cold air) in this penetrating darkness. Time can only answer for itself.

Few appreciate the darkness as I,
so I sit. . .
and smile. . .


- posted by Jonathan@ 4:15 PM

 
6/6/03

These nightly mists seem to have polluted the atmosphere
The clouded skies boil overhead
And they stir something within us
This absence of starlight brings to the surface what we're lacking

"Why not just give up? End it now. Save youself."

Don't fall into that abyss so serenely laid before you
It Invites you to sleep in it's arms
But instead, discard all memory of a goodnight,
and embrace what could be your last

"I'll say it now, to your face while you wake. But don't ask me to feel ever again."

Your age lies to you
Through false maturities that are so apparently absent
I never said you were too young
I just said to die with the question still in your hand

"Wisdom, whisper in my ear so I may laugh at the absurdity of the moment."

- posted by Jonathan@ 10:50 PM

 
Happenings

- I got an "A" (93%) on my French oral exam. Yeah, rock it.

- I've not been sleeping enough lately.

- I am mega lame and dumb. CAT is so hard. I wish I could apply myself. I wish I was motivated. I have so much to motivate me, but it's all pale. Nothing moves me anymore. I'll probably be complaining about summer school soon.

- Parker's talent show was tonight and it was wicked. BTAK just played one of the coolest set's we've ever done. I'm super proud of my guys. And to Zach (I know he doesn't read this anyways, but whatever): I'm sorry dude. I guess I'm just used to the attention so I was kind of a dick about it without meaning to be. I was just messing about. I didn't mean to ruin something that should have been special for you. You did rock though.

- end.

- posted by Jonathan@ 10:12 PM

 
L'examen oral Français

La Samedi dernier, J'ai eu une boume pour mon anniversaire. J'ai invité tous mes amis, et J'ai téléphoné. Mes amis sont arrivé à 8h00 et ils sont parti à 11h00. Avant le boume, Je me suis douché et je me suis brossé les dents. Aussi, Je me suis hâbillé mon t-shirt favourite. À la boume nous nous sommes parlé et mangé une pizza. C'etâit tres dêliciuex. Nate ne danse pas bien. Il s'est tombé beaucoup. Il s'est voulu mourir d'embarrasment. Mais, il s'est tres bonne boume.

- posted by Jonathan@ 5:13 PM

 
A Most Perfect Moment

This smile conveys such pain.
This smile that lights your lips.
Like a barred gate -- holding back words so carefully planned.
Constructed as a device to bring about your demise.
And construed,
as something that lacks belonging.
You lent yourself to the world.

This knowledge hides such ignorance.
This ignorance that keeps me warm through the night.
So much like a cry for help.
Or a plea of insanity.
I held this close to my heart for so long.
Now I release it:
unto earth, and wind, and fire.

This heart still lacks in meaning.
Or purpose.
What purpose is there but death?
To live,
to breath as I have. . .
It would all end in death.
If only for a moment,
I could escape this world to worlds beyond.
Worlds unseen and unknown.
Where I could be seen in light,
for what I truly am in darkness.

- posted by Jonathan@ 3:37 PM

 
So much is going on. I see it in everyone's eyes. It drips from their tounges (as their ears bleed). I bleed too. But nothing can harm me where I'm at. If you stop feeling, then you stop worrying. Nothing slows you down. You don't even notice the glass that you step on, barefoot, while you run from things. It's no problem. What's another scar?

Soon they form pretty pictures that you can frame and put on display. Or put them to music and broadcast them to the nations. Make a million dollars with this hit you've created. And eveyone bobs their head and smiles, like they understand. But really, if you think about it, they do. Everyone's been burned. The bandages give them away. I don't even bother with that anymore. I just let it all flow. I bleed out this frustration.

But sometimes I still slip up. I'm imperfect, like everyone else. I fail to realize or understand the weight of my actions. I kill, I hate, I destroy. I've set this world on fire, and danced on the ashes. And with my blackened feet I walk across the stars, leaving prints wherever I go. Leaving my mark. Evidence that I was. But after a while, all that would fade. I'd be forgotten just like everyone else. Reality, turned to myth, turned to darkness. So instead, I'll save myself from this darkness.

I'll forget about it all: the cuts, the bandages, the music, the stars. . . and instead, I'll focus on what matters. Heavenly hands will extend to grasp. I'll close my own hands and pray.

- posted by Jonathan@ 6:28 PM

 
Drowning myself is a game I play.

- posted by Jonathan@ 3:46 PM

 
Me and Joey have been wandering town for hours. Well, actually we've been at my house for a few hours. But before that. . . yeah. We had Chef Boyardee and Code Red for dinner. I know you're jealous. We also started an awesome new fashion statement for the non-smoker. Yeah, we're cool. Paintballing tommorrow! Yeah! I'm so stoked. Me and Joe are going paintballing with 2nd Annex and some of their friends.

Smoke em' if you've got em'.

- posted by Jonathan@ 1:13 AM