An open letter to God:

Why does everything have to be so hard? It's times like these that make me hate my life. This past month has made me not want to be a Christian more than any other time I have ever known. This body of mine sighs Father. I thank You for all the blessings that You've given me, but I question my purpose. I question sometimes if You know what You're doing. Why would You ever even create man? Why would You not just destroy us all? Surely You have seen that there is no good left in mankind. We are a corrupted people. Like everything else on this earth. I feel ashamed to be known as a man. I feel sickened by all the times I stood by my belief that man could find salvation. There is no love. Even my own love for You is imperfect. I hold onto these selfish desires and I rely too heavily on my own foolish understanding. I am weak. I am so fake. I despise this world and the people in it. I long to be with You, and to be away from all of this. I find myself tiring of this race. The pain is becoming more than I can bear. I feel like everything I work for is doomed to fail. I see it falling down around me. There is no love. Only ego. Only selfishness. It's hard to be optimistic in such dark times. I fear I am not as strong as I once believed. Something must change. God, forgive my feeble heart. Forgive me for not having enough faith. Forgive me for failing. Forgive me for my hate. I just grow so tired of this world and it's meaningless pursuits. I'm sick of being misunderstood. I'm sick of the blindness that plauges this place. Everyone is so inwardly focused, yet so blind to the decay that is eating at them. I just want to give up so badly. I'm just sick of everything. There is no love anymore.

- posted by Jonathan@ 6:13 PM

 
I don't even have the desire to write in this anymore. I may just stop. It's very tired anyways. Everything gets corrupted.

- posted by Jonathan@ 7:48 PM

 
It's supposed to be a good thing. But it just brings me down. I hate all of this.

- posted by Jonathan@ 10:11 PM

 
Man I'm lame. I don't even want to write anything.

- posted by Jonathan@ 12:40 PM

 
"I am a rock. Wearing a bullet proof vest. In a castle. With a moat. And guns. . . sticking out. I'm well protected." Finch from Just Shoot Me. I know I'm lame for posting a quote from a tv show, but it was really really funny.

Also, I tried to check Joey's blog, and his website comes up as the blog from some Fox tv show. It's crazy.

- posted by Jonathan@ 4:12 PM

 
I know I said I wouldn't talk about this again, but this time it is someone who is genuine so I just want to explain something to them. Whoever you are I just want to say first off that I agree with everything you said. This all seems so silly that we should be arguing amongst ourselves as Christians. And I know that you are not trying to start an argument either. I've said it three times now: I know that I can hurt people's feelings when I goof around. I know this. I don't see why people keep bringing this up. I said I would gladly apologize for anyone I have ever offended. This truly opens my eyes also and I will be much more careful about the way that I joke around with people. I preach about being kind and tolerant of others, yes. When I "rip" on people, as you put it, it is done in a friendly spirited manner and no harm is meant. This point is obviously not getting across, so like I said, I will need to make some changes in my behavior. And I am so horrified that people's good intentions are being misinterpreted. Being non-denominational is not trying to destroy the denominations. I'm not trying to "convert" you, and to my knowledge, neither are any of my friends. You talked about the sacraments. THAT IS MY WHOLE POINT! It DOESN'T matter about baptism and communion and anything else. It is about your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I've never been baptized. I've only taken communion maybe three times in my life. I don't see why these things are even being brought up as issuses. My friends will all tell you the same thing. Jesus is the key. Not ANYONE'S "religious" beliefs. Also, I REFUSE to back done from my goal to change the whole world. This is not just a goal. I'm following the command of my Lord Jesus Christ:

"Jesus came and told his disciples, 'I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth, therefore go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.'" - Matthew 28:18-19

Jesus didn't tell me to start small and try and change just one person's world. Sure, that is where you always start, but I will never take my eyes off of my goal, which is to see every person on their knees with the name of Jesus on their lips. And that day will come. And I am told to make ready for that day. That's all I'm doing. God said not to be like the pharisees, who were fake, but he never said to hide in your bedroom kneeling at your bed. I'm not going to save anyone hiding out. The point he was trying to make was that we should not purposely pray in public, and act holy, just for the sake of having other people think better of us. That is not my intention. My SOLE intention is to spread the news of God's great love for man, and the news of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. If anyone thinks I am doing this for my own benefit, then I am very sad. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I would be very very disheartened over all of this if it were not for one fact. Right about the time that you were typing your comment, I was on the phone with Megan Shutte. SHE GAVE HER LIFE TO JESUS CHRIST! That is an answer to my prayers. I wasn't praying that she would go to my church, or that she would believe exactly what I believe. I was praying that she would come to know Jesus as her personal savior. And that's exactly what happened. I know that the last person who commented was being very respectful and only stating her opinions, but I do not want to hear any more arguments about religion on this blog. Religion is not my concern. Jesus Christ, my savior is. Do not bother me anymore with petty arguments over who said what, or what church is this and that, or who believes what. We should be working together to help others, not arguing among ourselves. Let's just drop this all and love one another. Jesus said that the world would know us as Christians by the way we love one another. None of us are perfect, so let us all just stop pointing out one another's faults. I promise to try my best to change the way that I treat others. But again, I refuse to stop talking about God or trying to change the WHOLE world for the glory of his name.

"From now on, don't let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus." - Galatians 6:17

Jon Taube
SLAVE of Christ Jesus

- posted by Jonathan@ 11:33 PM

 
This is the last time that I will address this subject.

I probably was joking around when I said whatever it is I said that offended you. I already told you I would apologize to you if you would just let me know what it is that I did. I can't truly feel sorry for doing something to someone when I don't even know who you are.

I don't recall EVER telling someone they were going to hell. Especially at school. And if I did, then I'm sure I did it in a very loving way. The only reason I would ever tell anyone that is because I cared for them. If I didn't care about the person then I would just let them go to hell and not even worry about it. But I do worry about others. I always try to be as kind as possible when talking about my religion. I do not cut down other religions in a mean spirited way, I do not make fun of other people for having different beliefs than myself, and I do not walk around telling people they are going to hell. I have lots of friends who are not Christians. I don't even understand where you are coming up with these things you are saying.

Yes, my friends and I talk about God a lot. It's because our religion is something that is very important to us. And like Eric said, Seperation of Church and State does not mean that we can't talk about our religion in school. We can. It's a freedom that is given to us by our country's constitution. It also gives you the freedom to say whatever your opinion is on religion. Even if your opinion is that you don't care, or that you hate God, or that you hate my God. That is your right. That is everyone's right. And honestly, I don't really have many classes with any of my friends, so if you are hearing us discuss religion then you are most likely choosing to be around us during lunch or before and after school. If you are really so offended then why are you hanging around us?

Of course my friends are going to defend me. They care about me. If someone was saying mean things about one of your friends wouldn't you stick up for them? It is not worship. I don't see why you feel the need to cut others down. I understand that this is a public journal. I will gladly accept any criticism that you have to offer me. But not if you don't even have the courage to speak to me to my face. I don't even know who you are and from the things you say, I don't think you really know me as well as you think, so why should I accept any criticism from you? If you truly have so many problems with me then just ignore me. No one is forcing you to be around me or to listen to what I have to say.

I would just ask that everyone who reads my blog would just let this die. If the person responds, do not respond back to them. I know you guys are just watching out for me and it's really cool of you all, but it's only going to make it all worse. Thank you all though.


- posted by Jonathan@ 4:10 PM

 
Yeah, so people hate me. What's new? However I would like to clear a few things up.

Whoever left me that comment is a bit misinformed. The church that I attend, The Salvation Army, is a non-denominational church. What that means is that it is not exclusive towards a single denomination. That means that you don't have to be Catholic, or Mormon, or any specific denomination to go there. There is a HUGE difference between denomination and religion. Denomination basically means which branch of the Christian church you belong to. So, when I say I am non-denominational, it does not mean that I don't belong to a religion. I belong to the Christian religion.

"For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and people. He is the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase the freedom for everyone." - 1 Timothy 2:5-6

I believe that Christians, Jews and Muslims are all seeking the same God. I also believe that the Jews and Muslims have missed out on the most important point. That point is Jesus Christ. He is the ONLY way to God. That is what I believe. If I went around trying to please everyone, and not offend anyone, and just say, "Yeah, there's many ways to God. No one has the right way. Everyone just has a part of it," then THAT would be hypocritical of me. I live by what I believe. If that offends you, then you yourself are squelching diversity.

And also, I know that I can act like a dickhead. It's not like it's a big secret. I like to goof around and poke fun at others. However, if I have ever said or done anything to anyone that really offended them, then I will gladly apologize to them for being a dickhead. But only to their face. If you really have a problem with me, then why not just confront me? Also, I notice that you signed it as "A few annoyed anonymous friends." Maybe you should rethink your idea of friendship, because I usually don't have friends who tell me to fuck off. And if I do, then maybe I should reconsider our friendship, because that doesn't seem like much of a friend to me. Basically I think you just need to remember that this is my webjournal. It's a stupid little website for me to write the stupid things I think about (the last two entries concerned Star Wars and Antonio Banderas). If you don't like me or the things I write, then what are you doing reading this? No one's forcing you. And seriously, if you really have a problem with me, then please just come talk to me. If I'm doing something wrong then I will do my best to change. What can you accomplish by anonymously telling me to fuck off? All you get is one of these lame "let's clear the air" entries.

- posted by Jonathan@ 5:27 PM

 
Playa, play on. . .

- Halloween was pretty cool. I did the dark makeup around the eyes, a death lock, some strategically placed (fake) blood, and black clothes--collar up on the jacket. Suckas. Did the corn maze. There was a firefight! Well, a corn war. But it was just as good. Then I hit the club. Well, it was this Katie girls basement. But it was still pretty cool. I had fun. I did all this and didn't make my way home until the wee hours of the morning. . . wait, I left the party at eight something and was home a little after nine. Oh yeah. I remember now.

- When I got home I kicked the crap out of the embracethisnight website and have been working on that until now. Pretty much continually. It took forever to scan all those pictures, and crop them, and type out all those lyrics. Yeah. But it's starting to look a lot better. Check it out, the link's on the left side.

- Nate's grandpa kept making me take handfuls of gum until my pockets were full. He's crazy cool.

- Antonio Banderas is the man!

- Bea, this old lady at Taco Bell, totally wants me. She gave me a free drink last time I was there. And not a small, mind you, a medium. Suckas. Tonight though, nothing. Crap Bea, what were you thinking?!?!

- Geez, I need some sleep. This entry is already way to LiveJournal.

- posted by Jonathan@ 2:21 AM